We were on the driveway of a friends house, about to hop in the car and go to a park. Distracted, I jabbered away about car headlights until my friend noticed Guy Smiley had edged well away from us and was waiting for me to notice him meters from the driveway's open gate. I headed towards him. He bolted. I could see a 4WD coming and I ran, but he had a head start and in the nanoseconds before he reached the sidewalk I knew there was no way no way I was going to quite reach him before he reached that road. And he would have run straight out on to it, if it weren't for the fact that he faltered slightly when he hit the sidewalk - a fractional moment of hesitation that gave me just enough time to reach his side and grab him, and within seconds of the car that drove past in almost that same instant.
For a moment there, as I ran after him and saw that oncoming car, I truly thought I wouldn't reach him in time. It was a waking nightmare that lasted only seconds, but it has quite literally become a waking nightmare. Every small silent moment that I've found myself trapped in between then and now has caused those seconds to play again in my mind, and all the possible "what if" scenarios have churned over and over until I've felt my stomach begin to churn. Over and over.
Yes, it was all a happy ending in the end; what with me scooping him up in time, and hugging him, and repeating "oh god oh god" while he happily laughed and smacked me playfully in the face, as I walked back up my friend's driveway and buckled him into his carseat. Safe and secure. Not to be set down upon a front lawn when a gate is wide open ever again.
But the "what ifs"... They're going to torment me for a really long time. And rightly so.
End note: I'm terrible at self-editing. As you can probably tell by 90% of my waffle. However I have managed to remove about 9 paragraphs of what I wrote here originally, as I decided I didn't want to burden the world with all my self-doubts and blinding anxieties after all.
That is so scary, after Pete cut his foot on some glass I got a bit paranoid about what was going to happen next. It sounds like you need some rescue remedy to calm those thoughts down during the night.
ReplyDeleteThinks like cut feet always make me worry about flesh eating diseases. Or the tales of tiny shards of glass or splinters that get into the bloodstream and work their way into the heart or lungs... No idea if that can actually happen, but have heard enough urban myths to worry we might one day find out first hand for ourselves.. :S
DeleteRescue Remedy! I can't believe I never thought of that, despite having loved the study of Bach Flowers more than anything back in my Naturopathy student days, and it's something I'm often suggesting to others but forgetting for myself! :P Thanks :D
I'm not surprised that got you all wound up!! We stopped on a really long trip from Hawera to Auckland when Matthew was around GS's age..he was a horrible traveller, in fact he was a bit of a shocker all round. We were on the coast & stopped to let the kids paddle in the waves...on the edge & although he was only standing a metre away a huge wave came out of nowhere, bowled him over & VERY nearly took him out to sea. That would be the same little shite that I managed to stick the safety pin through him & not just the nappy ahhhhhh!! And I'll probably leave telling you about the incident with the zip & a boy with no undies for another time...sleep well. Yeah rescue remedy comes in quite handy lozenges these days. x0x
ReplyDeleteHahaha oh dear it's crazy but I can relate to those stories Catherine! Okay I never personally stuck a safety pin through a nappy (although, when Char was little, I did use cloth nappies and pins and maybe I did jab her a little here and there...) BUT my mum has told me a couple of times, the tale of how she stuck one of my brothers with a nappy pin through the willy, and couldn't work out why he was crying and crying until at some point she finally thought to check the nappy. D'oh!
DeleteAlso when Char was about 5 we went to Piha beach, and although she was only in toe-deep water, a rogue wave came in and swept her off her feet and tumbled her head over heels... It was really frightening, and all the worse that I was actually several metres away - being that she didn't seem at all close to the 'real' water I didn't expect anything like that to happen. She was terrified of Piha for years, and still remembers the "enormous wave" which was actually knee deep white wash, but certainly powerful enough to bowl over a little five year old.
I can so relate - you just reminded of one of my moments a few months back... might have to write a post up about that :-)!
ReplyDelete